Purse Purse Pass

2 06 2010

I was GOING to tell you guys about reorganizing my bathroom under-sink cabinet. But I’m lazy and didn’t want to organize it. So instead, here’s one of my most embarrassing stories.

Growing up, I spent a lot of my summer vacation in Massachusetts, visiting both my mom’s best friend and my dad’s sister. My dad’s sister, aka Aunt M, has a house on the cape. Cape Cod is an amazing place and as New England-y as this Jersey girl gets.

We would go to the tip of the cape, aka Provincetown, and see the sights, hit up Ben & Jerry’s, shop, and even whale watch.

I was a super naive kid. I wasn’t really allowed to watch most TV channels, and I didn’t have AOL like all my friends, so I didn’t get the social nuances and slang terms of the day. It took me until late high school or maybe even college to realize what all the rainbows around Provincetown were for. You’d think I would know it was the “best-known gay summer resort on the East Coast.” (Per Wikipedia, natch.) Especially after spending a day with my aunt (a visiting nurse) and having several shapely cross-dressers with better legs than me flail with happiness upon seeing her. Again – NOW I get it. Then? Not so much.

It was the summer of 1997 and I was gearing up for 7th grade. We had just finished doing some impromptu whale watching and decided to visit some happy-looking carts along the shore to buy some tie-dyed wares and such. That’s when I saw a beautiful purse. Seeing as I was new to “womanhood” (if you know what I mean) I needed a purse to carry my personal hygiene products in during school. A cute purse made of a great natural fabric! It would match everything! Perfect! It looked a lot like this:

(Picture borrowed from Ebay)

Except, it had some green embroidery. The name of the brand or the fabric or something, and a pretty flower. It looked sort of like this:

IS THE MESSAGE OBVIOUS TO EVERYONE NOW? It is painfully obviously to 25-year-old me. Not so much to twelve-year-old me. And apparently not so obvious to my mom or Aunt M since they bought it for me. That dreadlocked tie-dye seller must have laughed his ass off when we left. In fact, no one under 18 should have been allowed in that shop. It took me oh about 8 to 10 years to figure out what the small “glass sculptures” under the display counter were.

So I, in pure blissful ignorance, wore the purse with pride for the remaining weeks of the summer. It probably amped up my street cred in P-town. We got back in time for my first day of seventh grade. I will NEVER forget that moment. I wore brown shorts and a white tank top with a brown Chinese symbol (probably for diarrhea, let’s be honest) on it. The seventh grade classes were on the 2nd floor of our middle school. I walked up the stairs to the 2nd floor entrance and saw a guy I knew, Alex. Who reminds me a lot now of Seth Rogen.

Alex laughs (which is not unusual, since he was the class clown) and says…

“Nice KJ… what are you gonna smoke your purse or something?”

MORTIFICATION. I suddenly put together a few social cues and realized that Hemp = DRUGS. In some way. It had to. I wore the purse with the “Hemp” side hidden against my body for the rest of the day, and then never wore it again. In a few years I realized the “pretty flower” was really a marijuana plant. Which equaled a face palm moment for me as well.

I gave up all street cred I had for myself that day.

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10 responses

2 06 2010
Ashley

Best story ever.

2 06 2010
Dancy

HAH! That’s awesome!! I might feel a bit worse for your Mom & Aunt though, who were obviously a lot older than you at the time and lived through the 60’s & 70’s. tee hee.

Off topic: in 1997… I was a freshman in college. LOL

2 06 2010
Laura, your bestie.

OMG, I’m in the library between classes right now and I was just dying. So funny K$!!!

3 06 2010
LauraLou

Bahahaha, I love you.

3 06 2010
Em

Oh Kelly…sweet, darling Kelly. You certainly were (are?) a precious lil thing, huh? It’s ok, we all have our moments. And at least you were 12 and not 25, right?

3 06 2010
kjpugs

I know, right? Don’t you just want to give 12 year old me a hug and a pat on the head?

4 06 2010
Friday Top 10 Links « Shoe-a-Day

[…] Ordinary in Indiana: Kelly never fails to crack me up. […]

4 06 2010
Punchbugpug

LOL…..I have to tell you..at 21 I took a trip to P-town and being a sheltered, small town girl….was “open-mouthed” at many times. Poor P….he would quickly drag me the other way many times while out walking!

Funny Hemp………

15 06 2010
Hank

HA!!!

And you smirked at ME for not knowing what a beard was!!!!

Okay…..so I was forty-four, not twelve.

9 07 2010
EmDottie

Bwaha. Smoke your purse. Horrible.

it’s ok love, we all have… slow… moments đŸ˜‰

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