FUCK BEES.

12 07 2010

Dane Cook has never been more relevant to me than yesterday.

To set the mood for this post, go watch this short, 1-minute-ish video. I’ll wait. (I’d embed the stupid video but friggin’ WordPress won’t let me for some reason… help?)

You see, yesterday we went to the park with our pugs. They romped, they made friends. We walked and they panted due to the heat.

But then… we decided to cut across the field.

And immediately as B says “watch where you’re walking, there are bees in the grass,” one gets between my toe and my sandal, and stings me as I step down. I’m talking while he’s telling me to watch out, it happens. It hurt much, much worse than I remembered. Like, MUCH worse.

This is an artist’s (aka me) rendering of the assailant.

Dixie took a rest in my shadow as I cried hysterically and screamed for Big Daddy to get the stinger out.

Strangers asked if we were ok. Which is embarrassing. Because only five-year-olds get stung by bees. And only FOUR-YEAR-OLDS cry because of it.

It still hurts! My friend Cindy recommended a corn starch paste which did take out some of the swelling. I also spent the whole world cup game with an ice pack in a sock on my foot. But you can still tell it’s swollen!

Left foot, fourth toe from left (my “pointer toe,” if you will.) You know, the one with corn starch residue on it. It’s all puffy and looks closer in size now to my bulbous big toes. (They’re freakish, are they not?!)

So, in summary… FUCK BEES. The only comfort I have is that the bee is now dead. TAKE THAT.

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11 responses

12 07 2010
Cindy G

Love the rendering of the assailant 🙂

Glad that the corn starch paste helped a bit. I haven’t been stung in a while, but I am one of those people that if I see a bee, I start running around like a mad woman to get away from it!

12 07 2010
Em

Aww I’m sorry, girl 😦 I haven’t been stung since elementary school, probably, but I’m terrified of it happening. But yes, the bee is dead and gone.

Love the pic. Especially the devil-red eyes. That’s how I imagine all bees look, actually.

12 07 2010
Hannah

Due to my lack of maturity or other, relevant reasons – I get stung ALL THE TIME. My favorite topical cream is hydrocortisone… its what saved my hand when I was living in Africa.

boooooo bees (love the pic!)

12 07 2010
Layla

Bwahahaha to the bee’s red eyes and GIANT body and itty bitty wings… perfect rendering! Damned bee!

I remember my mom putting meat tenderizer on my stings when I was a kid. And tobacco. She was probably just pushing her addiction on me at a young age. I am from Tennessee and all.

12 07 2010
LauraLou

I’ve never been stung and I’m absolutely terrified that I’ll be allergic or something if I do get stung. I think I’m even more scared of wasps though. Ugh, terrifying!

And don’t worry, I would’ve cried too!

@Layla – LOL. ‘She was probably just pushing her addiction on me at a young age.’

12 07 2010
Laura, your freakin' bestie!

i’m going to have to tell a story on my blog lol… your comment about being embarassed by strangers just reminded me about a story. sorry about your tootsies k$!

12 07 2010
Morgan

Dude, that sucks! Its a flippin bug with a needle on it’s ass, how could you not hate them? I freakin hate bees too, but have managed to go my whole life so far with never getting stung. My dad is crazy allergic though, so I’ll be crying and throwing a fit if I ever get stung too, at least until I figure out if I’m allergic too.

12 07 2010
Dancy

Dayum. I’ve never been stung by a bee (which I prolly will now) but my Dad’s deathly allergic – like, carries an epi-pen when he does yardwork allergic. Benadryl usually helps with the swelling & pain too. My Dad takes it when he gets stung… usually on his way to the hospital. ;(

12 07 2010
Kristin

Your nail polish is really cute though!

18 07 2010
My Feet are the Plumbing of July « kjpugs: ordinary in indiana

[…] most of you remember, I was stung by an EVIL, SCARY, SATANIC bee a week […]

31 07 2010
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[…] and chocolate ice cream with wet walnuts. I would have taken a picture but bees started attacking and due to my history we retreated to the […]

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